60 Reasons: The Conference

To all members of the Eclectic Foundation: Important news!

When last we spoke I was Slumming it on a municipal tip in Manchester in an effort to avoid being deaded by the two angry Hell’s Angels. In the intervening weeks Tattooed Teresa and I have kissed and made up. I have sold my house and paid off the bikers with the proceeds, so now I am free to resume my scam cause.

My time as a dropout wasn’t entirely wasted. It’s amazing the people you encounter amongst the dustbins and  discarded needles, and fate must have been hard at work  because I came across an obscure subculture that coincidentally have their own  ‘60 Reasons’ cause. Well we got talking, we bonded, we threw a few ideas around the brazier and decided to hold a 60 Reasons Conference! I hope you are as excited by the prospect as I am? This will give us the opportunity to regroup and reaffirm our commitment to the cause. Meeting members of the other 60 Reasons group will allow us to make new friends and allies and allow me to make more money. Details of  the Conference are as follows:

Date: June 30th  2009

Time: 9.00 am to 6.00pm (or your curfew time – whichever comes first)

Venue: Obscure Conferences of Darlington (OCD for short) 69, Nutter’s Place, Darlington.

Security Arrangements: The other 60 Reasons group seem to be very nervous and obsessed with ’spies’ getting into the conference and disrupting events so they have nominated one of their members  to screen and filter attendees.  Therefore, all attendees will be required to complete the following tests before being allowed entrance:

a) A short IQ test – anyone found to have an IQ above 12 will be asked to leave

b) A short lie detector test – anyone found unable to lie at the drop of a hat will be asked to leave

c) A short MRI scan (where apparently attendees are asked to view a series of images and the operator makes note of which areas of your brain react) – anyone who fails to have their ‘pleasure centers’ lit up by images of goats will be asked to leave.

Itinerary and Events:

 9.00 am: Welcome speech and distribution of  meds by Nurse. 

10.00 am: Keela lookalike competition in the Canine Suite  (only bitches need apply)

10.20 am: Face painting in the Janus Suite (please note there will be an extra charge for any two-faced attendees)

10.30 am: Curley Mispell will be holding a Spelling Bee in the Carol Vorderman Suite (due to the requirements of the IQ entrance test we are limiting the competition to two letter words.)

10.45 am: Powlow Grease will be giving a talk entitled  ’Cats and Mice: Their Role in International Espionage’ in  the Tom & Gerry Suite

11.00 am – infinity: Tiny Bonnett will be giving a talk entitled ‘Leaflet Writing For Dummies’ in the Gaia Suite (attendees are asked to at least try and seem interested. Anyone found snoring will be made to stay for the whole talk.)

12.00 pm: Any lady attendees not involved in making tea and coffee are invited into the Blue Peter Suite where a mock up bus shelter has been erected by some strong man so that the ladies can practice attaching leaflets to it. The bus shelter is quite authentic with posters of Max Boyce, Bonnie Tyler,  foul graffiti and a pool of vomit by the exit. Black leggings will be provided for authenticity.

1.00 pm: Break for more meds and lunch, Nurse will be available to loosen straps on straightjackets if you behave yourselves.

2.00 pm: There will be a tour to see Mr Duart Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Do who is occupying the entire Lilliput Suite by himself. And when I say entire room – I mean he takes up so much of the room that we have had to pump extra oxygen in there. Attendees will be able to ask  him questions through a specially cut opening in the door but will have to shout as the chandeliers keep getting in his ears. He was going to give a talk called ‘Duart exposed’  after recent revelations, but during rehearsals two cleaners died of shock when he took his talk too literally; we couldn’t risk more attention from the authorities.

2.30.pm: Sock Puppets Competition  in the Walter Mitty Suite – This is a chance to show off all those sock Puppets you made during your therapy sessions. Each sock puppet will receive 100 Nectar points. The Sock Pocket deemed to be the most creative will win 500 Nectar points. Entries are limited to 200 sock puppets per person. Anyone who can correctly name all of their sock puppets will win a free goat.

3.00 pm: There will be an exhibition by Goats-R-Us in the Peccadillo Suite. Here you’ll find any and every accessory for your favourite goat! This company is the Rolls Royce of goat gear so make sure you bring your credit card and your measurements. Discounts are available for bulk orders, but, sorry, nectar points are not part of this promotion. If you do choose to bring your goat a £500 refundable security deposit is required at the door in case of damage caused by your cloven footed friend.

4.00 pm:  All the lady attendees are asked to stop making tea and coffee and are invited to the Tango Suite where Tattooed Teresa will be giving a seminar on Beauty for the More Mature Woman. Ladies will be able to get free make overs from Teresa’s friends and a free tanning session from a mobile sunbed company called ‘You’ve Bin Tangoed’ If you have always wanted that Des O’Connor or David Dickinson look – here’s your chance! (please note; all ladies are required to sign a waiver before this seminar)

5.00pm: There will be an audience participation presentation on ‘How To Spot A Liar’. Attendees are asked to go the Hall of Mirrors Suite.

6.00pm: Closing speeches. Rounding up of goats. Washing up for the ladies.

Nurse will undo straightjackets and hand out bonus pills as attendees leave.

Tickets are priced at £500 per attendee + VAT (price includes free 60 Reasons leaflet)

Transport to venue: Many of our ladies are quite willing to pick up strange men from airports/train stations/ bus stations/petrol stations.

 

I think you’ll agree this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and not to be missed!

I accept Paypal and cheques

Places are offered on a first come, first serve basis.

Held to Ransom

 

The convicted paedophile who was recently linked to the case of missing British girl Madeleine McCann has for the first time admitted: “Yes, I saw Maddie!”

 

 It is yet another twist in the search for the youngster, who vanished from the Portuguese holiday resort of Praia da Luz in 2007 at the age of three.

Brit Raymond Hewlett, who now lives in Aachen, Germany, is a convicted paedophile wanted for questioning over unrelated crimes in the UK.

He has always denied having anything to do with Madeleine’s disappearance, although he is now considered a suspect.

And yesterday he admitted for the first time: “Yes, I saw Maddie.”

Will this revelation finally help solve the long-running case?

Raymond H. was also on holiday with his wife and their six children in the vicinity of Praia da Luz when Madeleine went missing.

The former soldier, who is ill with cancer in a hospital in Aachen, was found guilty of abducting and raping a 12-year-old girl in 1972 and has been on the run since being released from jail after serving a six year sentence for a sex attack on a 14-year-old girl in 1988.

And now BILD has discovered that Raymond H. admitted to seeing Maddie twice, and even remembers a distinctive mark by her right eye.

Four policemen escorted the paedophile out of the area yesterday so that so British detectives could question him over several assaults on children. They also took a DNA sample from him.

But Raymond H. is very weak and doctors believe he has only a few weeks left, according to his lawyer Thomas Dahmen.

Will he want to confess to anything before his death? What does he really know about Maddie’s disappearance?

Time may be running out to solve the case…(Taken from Bild )

This admission from a certain forum’s new poster boy follows on from alleged reports that the convicted paedophile has asked the Mccanns for money in return for his ’story’.

For the Mccann’s stalkers, the Fund is the parent’s personal bank account: When they have followed Kate Mccann to Marks and Spencer, and watched her from behind the racks of bras and knickers, they really do believe that Kate pays with a debit card that links directly to the fund.

With each story that appears about Mr Hewlett it becomes more and more apparent that he is very familiar with the ideas and theories of these stalkers. His belief that the Mccanns should pay him from the fund in return for his talking to their private investigators is fully in keeping with being a member of the forum that these stalkers infest.

Mr Hewlett’s latest admission that he was in PDL and saw Madeleine twice, and close enough to see her eye defect, is possibly a cynical attempt to emotionally blackmail money from the Mccanns. Why else would a convicted paedophile admit to being near an abducted child, even if he is dying? Mr Hewlett it seems is another in a long line of low- lifes trying to make money from this missing child, and he comes close to being the very worst of them. (And there’s strong competition believe me)

We are led to believe that the Portuguese police cleared  upstanding citizen Mr Hewlett as he had his default paedophile alibi ready and waiting – he was with a 15 year old girl. But if  Hewlett’s new ‘confession’ is correct it seems the PJ were fooled by a paedophile and a teenager. Given that, is it not time that the UK police took over this investigation of a missing British child? Especially as the Portuguese police are telling potential witnesses to ‘go away, she’s dead’

This case has highlighted a new form of human, one that seems to have ‘devolved’ rather than evolved like the rest of us. The internet, this case, and a form of social insanity that we are witnessing at the moment, seems to have brought them scuttling out into daylight, like cockroaches. Suddenly we are aware of their existence because of their appalling actions.

The ‘creatures’ that tortured and murdered the two French students are prime examples of the devolved, sadistic, soul-less entities that we have breathing the same air. They are easy to identify. Containing them and protecting normal, decent people is the hard part. The laws and sentencing guidleines we have had up till now are no longer adequate in deterring them or protecting society. We need a new way of dealing with them.

A Request

Can  I ask Tony from the Hounding of the Mccanns  blog  to send me a link to the video you mentioned where the dogs are led around the clothes? Thanks in anticipation;)

“The Truth About A Lie”

“You will no doubt also be aware of the brilliant work done by Mr Amaral in the case of the killing of 8-year-old Joana Cipriano. This was yet another case where the family maintained that Joana had been abducted, allegedly on her way to or from the local shops. It was Mr Amaral whose diligence and forensic enquiries eventually proved that the family were lying; the poor girl had in fact been brutally murdered by her own mother and uncle, and her body disposed of in graphic circumstances which it is unnecessary to go into here. He successfully proved charges of murder against that couple who are now serving lengthy prison terms. He thus has a good track record of pursuing difficult investigations where a missing child is concerned. “

Loathe as I am to publish anything from the Fisher-Price organisation that named itself  ‘The Madeleine Foundation’; the above quote from their letter to the Corinthians Carter Ruck takes on a whole new meaning and an incredible irony in light of this week’s conviction of the pretendy foundation’s chief god and guru, for perjury.

The disgraced former head of the Madeleine McCann police investigation was today sensationally found guilty of falsifying evidence in a separate missing child case.

Goncalo Amaral, 49, who was thrown off the Madeleine inquiry, was given an 18-month suspended jail sentence by a court in Portugal. Amaral was found guilty of falsifying evidence to help cover up for three of his officers who were accused of torture.

We can now see the title of Amaral’s book  ‘The Truth about a Lie’  as being self  biographical. This man was the PJ’s creme de la creme, charged with the task of finding two little girls who went missing within seven miles of each other. They say that cream rises to the top, but in this instance it appears the milk was in fact rancid.

Leonor Cipriano’s conviction was based on a confession which was beaten out of her by officers who reported directly to Amaral. The ‘forensic enquiries’the pretendy foundation gush about consisted of a photograph of some tools and a blood sample that was never shown to be linked to Joana. Hearsay and a bizarre fiction concocted by police cemented Leonor’s fate. Her conviction should now be deemed unsafe and the whole case re-investigated by professional officers.

Amaral has brought his former profession and country into disrepute.  However, the real victims of Amaral’s criminal behaviour are Joana and Madeleine, who had the unfortunate fate to be snatched on Amaral’s watch. 

Both girls went missing within seven miles of each other

In both cases the police refused to accept the child had been abducted

In both cases the police assumed the death of the child with no evidence and no body

In both cases the police accused the mother of being involved

In both cases other avenues of investigation were ignored

In both cases the police made up a story about the mother being involved in some illicit sexual behaviour

In both cases the mother was psychoanalysed as being cold and unemotional (therefore guilty)

In both cases the child was believed to have hit their head due to a blow or a fall

In both cases the mother was accused of covering up the death

In both cases the mother was accused of hiding the corpse in a fridge

In both cases the mother was accused of transferring the body to a car and driving it to Spain

In both cases the police said blood was found that belonged to the child, but was never proved to be from the child.

In both cases Amaral was in charge.

In one case the mother was tortured into confessing.

Both children remain missing and deserved better.

How on earth can the  two cases be almost  identical when the supposed suspects are different people, from different countries? Is there some strange Bermuda Triangle type vortex in and around Praia da Luz?  It seems to me that the real common denominator in both cases is Amaral.

One would think that Amaral’s fan club would now be shamed in to silence, having had the man they put on their anti-Mccann pedestal sensationally fall off it; being  sentenced like any other common criminal. But these are not normal people. The hatred runs deep in their bloodless veins. They are dismissing  his conviction and his lack of integrity with claims that if torture is good enough for Bush and Blair then it’s good enough for Amaral. I assume this enthusiasm for torture would dissipate rapidly if it were these amoebas on the receiving end.

I’m not entirely surprised by their lack of condemnation for an ex policeman convicted of perjury. He’s positively a saint in comparison to their new ‘poster boy’,  convicted paedophile Raymond Hewlett. I’m expecting  them to set up another of their ubiquitous funds to help him sue Clarence Mitchell for defamation. I don’t think they have quite grasped the nuances of libel. Being a convicted liar and a convicted paedophile are not conducive to successful  libel cases.

The Government has always resisted publishing the names and addresses of sex offenders on the register due to the fear of vigilante attacks. Based on the this week’s vociferous defence of Hewlett on a certain forum, it seems that this fear is totally unfounded. In fact, the reverse seems to be the case; if Raymond Hewlett was extradited to the UK tomorrow, he would be met by cheering woman throwing their knickers at him and placards saying ‘We love you Ray’; petals would be thrown at his feet and he’d get a year’s supply of free leaflets. They would make him an honorary Dr and initiate him into the pretendy foundation as their resident Child Advocate.

I only wish I was joking.

‘Amaral’s Side of the Story’

 

 ‘Amaral’s side of the story’: It’s a phrase I am starting to hate and that brings me out in hives.

Mr Amaral’s pathetic pleading to be allowed to put  ‘his side of the story’ on the recent Oprah Winfrey show was nothing less than stomach turning.

Mr Amaral has no side. He was employed in a role and then left it. It was his role that had access to the files and confidential information, and that was supposed to conduct the investigation – not the man. He was investigating as an employee of the state, paid for by the state, not as an individual. Therefore he has NO side, more so having left that role.

When my husband leaves his job he will have to hand over all files, computers and any information belonging to the company, because it belongs to the company. It is their intellectual property. But my husband is a professional, Mr Amaral it seems sacrificed any and all professional standing he may have had when he published his account of his failure to find Madeleine. However, he  hit a new low this week as people recognised the second anniversary of Madeleiene’s disappearance:

From Sky’s Martin Brunt:

If you were wondering why there was no interview with former Algarve police chief Goncalo Amaral in our recent Madeleine coverage, here’s why. His agent emailed us: “Since he left Policia Judiciaria his main concern is to reveal to the general public the facts (which) occured during the investigation.” Then he wrote: “He will be available, but will charge a fee of 80.000 euros VAT.” Yeah, we wondered if he meant 80 euros, too. We didn’t wonder for long. Nem pensar, Jose!

 Now I think we all really clear a$ to why Mr Amaral i$ $o keen to pu$h hi$ $o called ‘$ide of the $tory’, and it ha$ $od all to with Madeleine Mccann.

60 Reaons: The Next In’stall’ment

 

To all members of the Eclectic Foundation.

I’m writing this from a secure location.  I am currently on the run due to recent events and I’m asking for your help as I am the lowest of the low.

You may remember I had decided to sell my book and leaflets  -’ 60 Reasons Why Watching Paint Dry Should Be An Olympic Sport –  from a market stall in order to finally get rid of the blasted things.  I must add at this point that I am becoming increasingly disheartened and fed up with this cause. I started off with high revenues hopes, lots of gullible supporters and felt good about myself. After recent events the money support has dried up and everywhere I go I am made to feel like an escaped lunatic. I’m close to giving up and even closer to being committed.

Anyway, back to yesterday’s unfortunate events: My pleas to members to assist and support me in my latest venture fell on deaf ears. May I suggest hiring a coach to take you all to a mass hearing test at Hearing Aids R Us? You all made the right noises when I first suggested it, but when push came to shove you were nowhere to be seen. In fact I was insulted by your lame excuses;

’sorry I couldn’t be there Katie, my dog chewed my homework’

’sorry I missed it Katie, I got a bad dose of halitosis’

‘Would have been there for you Katie, but I was held hostage by a foreign faction of Amnesiacs who want to free Nelson Mandela’ 

Blah, blah, blah…So once again I had to turn to Tattooed Teresa for help. I asked her to find an appropriate market that would welcome and embrace our cause. I’d forgotten about her habit of drinking Newky Brown all night and sleeping all day, so her choosing a night market next to a pub came as a bit of a shock. When I also found out it was a flea market in the back of beyond I actually cried. Even in my darkest hour I had never envisioned being so low as to have to sell my books and leaflets at a car boot sale, under the cover of darkness. J. K. Rowling has never had to endure such humilation…

‘It’s a car boot held at night, I said, ‘what were you thinking?’ 

‘It’s a flea market’  Teresa replied, as she played were her pink Barbie knuckleduster, ‘I’ve seen  a flea circus on the telly and I’ve always wanted one’

‘A circus? ‘ I asked

No, a flea’, she replied, ‘one that does  cool tricks’

‘There aren’t any real fleas Teresa,  it’s just the name they give it’

‘Yea right!’ she laughed ‘Next you’ll be telling me they don’t sell car boots at car boot sales! I wasn’t born yesterday you know!’

As Teresa had already purchased the permit for the stall I had no choice but to go along with it. Well when I say purchased – she actually mugged a lady from the Women’s Institute who was planning on selling her homemade marmalade. I ripped the woman’s identity photo off the permit and replaced it with my own image.

We spent most of the day looking for the back of beyond. When I put the address in the sat nav it actually did a sharp intake of breath and said ‘ oh you don’t want to go there love! Turn around when possible’ We had to  stop and ask directions several times.

Katie: Excuse me sir, we are looking for the Back of Beyond

Man: Oh, you don’t wanna go there!

Katie: Please, just tell me

Man: Well, you take that road there, till you come to the Front of Beyond, you swing right around Beyond, and there you are at the Back of Beyond. But you don’t wanna go there!

When we finally arrived at the market I immediately felt out of place and nervous. The other stall holders who were setting up their pitches eyed me suspiciously. Teresa was oblivious to the air of menace. She happily took photos of me and the stall to prove I was there,  and then went off in search of her beloved fleas. I gingerly began to unload the car and tried to ignore the hostility.

I was half way through unfurling my 20 foot long 60 Reasons banner when a man in a deer stalker, holding a clipboard approached me. He took a long hard look at my books and leaflets on the stall table and made some notes, before finally speaking:

Deer Stalker: I am the Market Manager and I have some concerns about the appropriateness of your wares.

Katie: Concerns?

Deer Stalker: Yes, this market is solely for the purpose of selling old tat.

Katie: And? If you had actually took the time and effort to read my book and leaflets you would know that they ARE ‘old tat’!

Deer Stalker: There is no need to take that sarcastic tone with me madam.

By now a small crowd had gathered behind the Manager and one woman at the back drew my attention. She looked familiar and I tried to think why. The Manager was still talking and  getting more animated by the minute. I looked back at the elderly woman and then realised who she was. She was the original permit holder that Teresa had mugged, only now she wasn’t alone. Standing alongside her were two of the biggest Hell’s Angels I have seen in my entire life! They made Tattooed Teresa look like Janette from the Krankies. My heart stopped as the old woman pointed me out to the two giants and my knees buckled.

I took off like Usain Bolt. I heard the Manager yelling for me to leave and take my rubbish with me as I was half way to the car. I abandoned my books and leaflets, and all hope. I’d forgotten all about Tattooed Teresa too, as my survival instincts kicked in and only remembered when I saw her in my rear view mirror being accosted by the two biker Yettie’s and their tiny elderly mother. The cloud of dust kicked up by my spinning wheels erased the scene, and I headed for safety.

Half way home I got a short text from Teresa – ‘you’re dead when I catch up with you’. It also dawned on me that my photo, address and telephone number were on the books and leaflets that were now in the hands of the bikers. So I couldn’t go home. Ever.

So here I am, in hiding and regretting the day I ever thought up this whole  stupid scam cause. Being a woman I can’t grow a beard to disguise myself, so I’ve had to wear a motorcycle helmet wherever I go. It’s a little claustrophobic and having found it in a tip it stinks to high heaven, but at least I’m safe. So if you see a woman in a helmet, wearing a tabbard, please give me some  food or money. Or alternatively you can send cheques and postal orders to:

Katie Smith

c/0  The Municipal Tip, Manchester.

Perhaps some of you can even start a fund for me..

The Madeleine Investigation

Details of this book can be found here.  Refreshingly the authors are anonymous and  are giving any profits to the real Fund, that way the search for Madeleine benefits, rather than some pretendy foundation. There’s no author boosting his ego or flailing career which in this case is revolutionary! I’m off to order my copy.

60 Reasons : The Big Issue

 

Hello to all the members of the Eclectic Foundation. (Although considering the recent aggressive behaviour and attitude of members, I’m not sure why I am being so nice.)

The 60 Reasons Photo Competition didn’t go as well as I had hoped and due to so many disqualifications and invalid entries I have been left with an unstable mountain of leaflets. Mr Eclectic can barely move in our bedsit without getting severe paper cuts and has become a right little bleeder. He tried to find the TV remote  on Good Friday, and due to the mess, accidentally put his foot into an unemptied chamber pot, stumbled into the wall of leaflets and almost had his head severed by the myriad of paper cuts. Bandaged like a Mummy, he finally issued an ultimatum - either the leaflets went or he did. It was a tough call; my leaflets are my babies.

I asked for a few days grace and wracked my brain to come up with an effective way of using up the leaflets whilst still getting my message across. I remembered something Mikey from Radio Obscura said about my book - he described it as ‘a long piece of toilet paper without the andrex puppy’. Being a highly creative person I knew there was a seed of an idea in there somewhere and had the eureka moment as I helped Mr Eclectic off his commode:

A  giant toilet roll for people with huge arses! I mean, gargantuan bottoms are just not catered for in our weight obsessed society. For the big-bottomed fraternity the tiny pieces of ordinary toilet paper are as much use as painting the Forth Bridge with a quill. If I could glue my leaflets together and put them on a cardboard tube I would have the ideal product for those with humongous hynies! In addition, the giant toilet tissue would have my message on it and could provide hours of  educative reading pleasure; and I would call this new, exciting product  ’ Tissue with an Issue’.

Thrilled with my creativity I made a prototype and called Andrex to ask for a meeting with their design department. The sniggers down the phone didn’t fill me with hope and even when I told them I was the acclaimed author of 60 Reasons Why Watching Paint Dry Should Be An Olympic Sport they remained unimpressed. I demanded the number of their Head of Marketing  and was told he was at a meeting at Channel 4 discussing a reduction in advertising costs.

At such short notice I couldn’t organise an Andrex puppy so I roped in my neighbour, Tattooed Teresa, who already had a studded dog collar around her neck. Eagerly, we headed for Channel 4’s offices for a showdown with the  Andrex representative: The sight of Tattooed Teresa must have startled the security guard at Channel 4 because he reached the doors before we did and prevented our entry. As the tattooed one expertly cracked her knuckles, I tried to calm down the nervous guard. Negotiations continued slowly, and a bored Teresa began to aggressively flex her unnaturally bulbous biceps. Unfortunately, she accidentally knocked the roll of ‘Tissue with an Issue’ out of my hands and through the guard’s straddled legs. The giant toilet paper prototype unravelled as it made it’s way past the startled receptionists and down the  darkened corridor.

Suddenly, Teresa, taking her stand-in role as andrex puppy a little too seriously, leapt onto all fours and tried, rather optimistically, to squeeze through the horrified guard’s legs. The sound of her yelping like a dog did little to assuage his distress as she carried her unwilling passenger on her ample back, past the stupefied receptionists, following the trail of giant toilet paper to it’s ultimate destination.

As chance would have it, Mr Andrex was at that very moment entering the corridor after a successful meeting. Teresa chose that exact point in time to come to an abrupt halt; sending her petrified passenger hurtling forward like an Exocet missile. Even I winced when the security guard’s round, hard, bald head made contact with Mr Andrex’s undercarriage. I don’t think I have ever heard a grown man cry like that before.

The night in the cells proved interesting and Mr Andrex decided not to press charges, as long as a restraining order was issued. I’ve dropped the idea of giant toilet paper and have decided to set up a market stall selling the leaflets as hamster bedding, instead. It seems a far safer way of disposal, don’t you think? I mean what could possibly go wrong on a market stall…?

Shine a Light of Hope

On the Boyle

 

From the Herald.ie

The world loves an underdog…..Ugly-looking, low-sized, big- voiced Susan Boyle, middle-aged church volunteer, spinster and loner, has been watched by more than 20.2m on YouTube, Twittered about by Demi and Ashton. She’s been blogged, snapped, swarmed and pursued.

Whilst I find the Herald’s description of Susan Boyle to be on the mean side, I do think Susan in an inspiration to all underdogs. And one particular underdog, who seems to share many of Susan’s attributes, has been so inspired that he has  issued a ‘press release’ to the  American Press, offering his ‘talent’ for milking a missing child for all she’s worth to any network that’ll have him.

Hoping to ride the eccentric Brits tidal wave created by Miss Boyle, Mr Bennett is hoping the upcoming Oprah interview with the Mccanns will open doors for him in the USA and get his face on American TV. Unlike Miss Boyle, Mr Bennett cannot simply put on a pair of red high heels, a sexy dress, a bit of lipstick or dye his hair and get a perm and transform himself….or can he?  

Miss Boyle is now a worldwide You Tube sensation, but to be fair, Mr Bennett has had his own success on You Tube, as he brags about on his ‘press release’ to the Americans:

Susan Boyle on You Tube singing Cry Me a River:

Mr Bennett singing from the Wrong Hymn Sheet:

Good luck to the everyday woman bringing  joy to millions of people through her singing…there’s a moral in there somewhere.